More is Caught than Taught

More is Caught than Taught
 
More is caught than taught. You may have heard this phrase with parenting, management or finances. More is caught than taught basically means that people learn more by our behaviors than they do what we say. The same could be said for boundaries. 
 
People learn more about how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves and how we honor our own boundaries. If we set a boundary but fail to follow through, the message we give to others is that the boundaries we set don’t matter. When we violate our boundaries, we teach others it is okay to also violate our boundaries. However, the same can be said for the opposite. When we honor our boundaries and respect ourselves, we teach others to do the same. We don’t allow ourselves to be in disrespectful relationships or to be taken advantage of. 
 
Let me give you an example with my kids. When I set boundaries around their technology use and tell them too much technology is bad for their brain but am then on my phone or watching more T.V. than I would like to admit (hello Grey’s Anatomy), my behavior is speaking louder than what I say and they see that and then like to test limits around technology because I am doing it. 
 
The same is true with my commitments. If I say no when someone asks for help because I have enough (or too much) on my plate but after them asking 5 times, I compromise on my boundaries and say yes, I am teaching that person that if they just bother me enough I will eventually give in. Again, I am teaching them more by my actions than my words. 
 
One last example. If I set boundaries with myself around practicing self-care every Friday night from 6-8pm but continually book other plans or put other’s needs above my need for self-care, I am teaching myself (and others) that what I need and want is less important than what others need/want. Of course there are times where compromise is needed or I may need to sacrifice for others but that is a blog post for another time…..
 
Actions speak louder than words. What we do with our boundaries speaks volumes over what we say. 
 
Do you struggle with boundaries? If so, check out my boundaries course. Everything you need to know about setting and maintaining boundaries in your life. 

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