I have people ask me all the time, how do I choose a therapist. So, today I am going to share with you my answer. You see, finding the right therapist is a lot like dating.
First, you have to find someone. Then do some internet research to see if you have similar philosophies or beliefs. If you aren't sure what yours are, find out theirs to see if it clicks for you.
Then, ask for a 10-minute consultation. This is like a first date. You ask questions to get to know their therapeutic style and to also make sure they work with what you are seeking treatment for.
Then when you get off the phone, you check in with yourself. Did you feel heard and cared about or were you just another call? If you feel like you have therapeutic chemistry after the call, schedule an appointment. If not, keep looking.
Once you have found a therapist and start seeing them, you should continue to feel validated and supported. If you are not getting what you need out of the relationship, just like dating, you ask for what you need. Even therapists can’t mind read and your side of the street is to clearly communicate what you want and need out of the relationship.
If the therapist can't give you what you need then you break up with them and start looking for a new one. You don't have to stay with a therapist just because you have been with them for a long time but as a functional adult, it is your job to ask for what you need and then communicate if your needs are not being met. Please, do not just ghost your therapist without having a conversation about why you are discontinuing services. While uncomfortable, this will give you a great opportunity to be assertive and direct while also allowing your therapist to get some feedback about ways they can grow.
See, it is a lot like dating ;).
If you want to dive into this more, I have created an amazing resource for you. This PDF includes 4 aspects to consider when choosing a therapist, questions to ask when interviewing a therapist and questions to ask yourself after the interview. To access this Free download, click here.
Hi friend! I hope you are ready for some tough love today because I am going to dish it out. See, regardless of your past trauma, experiences or dysfunction, it is your job to grow… even if others don’t.
Yes, it would be great if others owned their side of the street, apologized for their wrongs and made amends for their hurts. But even if that doesn’t happen, it is still your job to grow.
You see, as adults it is our job to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions. Even when those actions and struggles are because of choices someone else made.
I was recently talking to a client about her frustration that she was having to do so much work to heal from the actions of her partner. He had been in an addiction for a long time and she was working on healing from decades of infidelity and lies. She was overwhelmed by the ripple effect it had on every area of her life and the wounds that were exposed from her childhood that she did not realize were still there.
Here's the thing…. I get the frustration of having to do really hard work to heal from something you had no control over. It is frustrating, enraging and sometimes overwhelming. But I challenge you to reframe the way you are thinking about it (just like I challenged my client to).
Instead of considering yourself a victim to your circumstances or hurts, think of yourself as a conqueror of your demons. There is something empowering about being able to rephrase the narrative to something that puts you in control and having the power. You may not have had the power or choice in your trauma, but you have all the power in your healing.
Which goes back to the beginning, it is your job to grow. No one can do it for you, not even your therapist ;). Even if the person that wronged you does heal, make amends and change, it does not magically heal your wounds or hurts. You have to be the one to do it.
And let me tell you something, you deserve to grow! We all deserve the opportunity to learn, grow and heal. It doesn’t happen overnight but here are a few tips to start the healing journey-
However you begin your healing and growth journey, always remember that you are worth healing.
I am so glad to be back writing to you once again. I have taken time off to recharge, focus on what is important and reflect on what I want this year to look like. I hope you all enjoyed your holiday and are excited for the new year.
If you have followed me for a while, you know I love a good season change. It provides an opportunity to reset, mentally and emotionally and create new routines, habits and goals.
Last year I started a 21 in 21, which was 21 goals I had for the year. Surprisingly to me, I actually met most of those goals. Some of them included taking my vitamins daily (I rarely missed a day all year), going on a monthly date night with my husband (we went above and even went on a weekend getaway one month) and knocked off a few items that I have been procrastinating (getting a new travel ID driver’s license, servicing my vacuum cleaners and going on a mom-cation). Some that I was a bit less successful with were reading 12 books (I only got to 9) and walking/yoga 6 days a week (well let’s just say that was my least accomplished on my list….).
As I reflect on my year, I am proud of what I did. My business grew, I gained more clients, started an online course and conquered some really big fears. And while I did not accomplish everything I wanted; I am still happy with what I did.
This year, I am going to do 22 in 22. I am going to add back to my list those that I was not entirely successful with (movement and reading) along with a few new ones (booking a cruise for my 10-year anniversary in 2023 and remodel guest bathroom).
In my business, I will be more intentional with regular emails as well as providing more quality content on my blog as well as social media. I will also be launching a course on anxiety, which will be full of practical, tactical tools to beginning utilizing with a holistic framework.
Now, enough about me. As you reflect on 2021, what were some of your highs and big accomplishments? What are some things you would like to change in 2022? It doesn’t need to be big, little things can also add up to big changes.
Here are three steps to help you achieve your heart’s desire in 2022.
Of course, there is more to be said about goal setting but these three tips provide a great foundation. I would love to hear what your goals are for the year so drop me a DM and share. See you soon friend!
Jocelyn is a Licensed Professional Counselor and course creator who desires to help clients heal and grow into who God created them to be.