Hi friend! I hope you are ready for some tough love today because I am going to dish it out. See, regardless of your past trauma, experiences or dysfunction, it is your job to grow… even if others don’t.
Yes, it would be great if others owned their side of the street, apologized for their wrongs and made amends for their hurts. But even if that doesn’t happen, it is still your job to grow.
You see, as adults it is our job to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions. Even when those actions and struggles are because of choices someone else made.
I was recently talking to a client about her frustration that she was having to do so much work to heal from the actions of her partner. He had been in an addiction for a long time and she was working on healing from decades of infidelity and lies. She was overwhelmed by the ripple effect it had on every area of her life and the wounds that were exposed from her childhood that she did not realize were still there.
Here's the thing…. I get the frustration of having to do really hard work to heal from something you had no control over. It is frustrating, enraging and sometimes overwhelming. But I challenge you to reframe the way you are thinking about it (just like I challenged my client to).
Instead of considering yourself a victim to your circumstances or hurts, think of yourself as a conqueror of your demons. There is something empowering about being able to rephrase the narrative to something that puts you in control and having the power. You may not have had the power or choice in your trauma, but you have all the power in your healing.
Which goes back to the beginning, it is your job to grow. No one can do it for you, not even your therapist ;). Even if the person that wronged you does heal, make amends and change, it does not magically heal your wounds or hurts. You have to be the one to do it.
And let me tell you something, you deserve to grow! We all deserve the opportunity to learn, grow and heal. It doesn’t happen overnight but here are a few tips to start the healing journey-
However you begin your healing and growth journey, always remember that you are worth healing.
Jocelyn is a Licensed Professional Counselor and course creator who desires to help clients heal and grow into who God created them to be.