I have worked with countless women over the years that struggle with boundaries. It is not that you don’t want boundaries; it is that you don’t even know what they are or where to begin setting boundaries in our lives. I have seen women who read all the books, pin all the pins and do everything to learn about boundaries but are missing one key aspect, how do I know what areas of my life need boundaries?
If you can, take 5 minutes and reflect on your life. Where is the most resentment, dread or stress? Where are the areas where you feel unappreciated and undervalued? Who are the people you dread being around or have the most conflict with? Those are your pain points. Those are the areas that you need to set boundaries.
But before you can set boundaries, you need to figure out what you want and need in those situations. If a pain point for me is my marriage, what do I need in that relationship? Do I need to be heard or respected. If so, then I know I need to set boundaries around communication and ways of interacting.
What about at work. If my pain points are around feeling overworked and stretched thin, what do I need so that I can function optimally at work? How can I set boundaries with myself that even if my situation doesn’t change, I can be okay in my workplace?
What if my pain point is with my in-laws? Think about what areas are most difficult or upsetting for you in that relationship and what you need to be comfortable? Do you need to set boundaries around unsolicited feedback or their input around parenting because if those boundaries can be set then you would feel better about the relationship?
Where ever your pain point is, take the time to explore what you want and need in the relationship and then set boundaries to reflect that. You deserve to set healthy boundaries and honestly, if your relationship is healthy, it will grow and be better because of the boundaries you set.
Jocelyn is a Licensed Professional Counselor and course creator who desires to help clients heal and grow into who God created them to be.